I remember the day my son-in-law Paul told me there was a possibility that he, my daughter Cara, and my two very young granddaughters may be moving to a location over 6500 miles away. I also remember the feeling of trepidation that overcame me on hearing that news.
I prayed every day that it would not come to pass, but God doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we want Him to, and in February 2017 they moved to Nigeria.
This is the last picture I took of this happy little family in front of their home in Houston before they moved away. Yep, my granddog Sunny went, too. Before they moved to Nigeria, it was a 4-hour drive from our house to theirs. That seemed far at the time. This new location sure changed THAT perspective!
I recently read this post titled An Open Letter to New Long-Distance Grandmas by Lisa (author of Grandma’s Briefs) that she made coincidentally around the same time that I learned I was going to be a longER-distance grandma than I already was. In it, she offers 8 “must-dos” for grandma survival. I am going to use her “must-dos” to help me describe my journey since my precious grandbabies left for parts unknown (at least to me).
The First Three Must-Dos
Lisa’s first Must-do was that you must let go. That means that you must accept that they are living their own life, and that’s the way it should be. You have no control over that, and you must just let it go. I could not have made it this far if I did not do that. So, yes, while I’m still hanging on as best I can, I have let go in this context.
To me her second and third Must-do’s really tie into this first one. If you’ve truly succeeded at this first one, then these second two should have already been accomplished as well. You must quit crying and complaining, and you must forgive your child. These were no-brainers for me. Not a problem.
Lisa’s Fourth Must-Do
This one has been tougher for me. She says you must quit comparing your situation to that of other grandmothers. It’s often hard to see friends who are able to enjoy their grandchildren every day because they live so near. That ugly jealousy rears its head from time to time, and I have to fight it. I truly am happy for my friends and relatives who have extended family close by. But it sure makes me think about what they have that I’m missing in my life.
Maybe what goes around comes around, because after we had our first child in Florida, we moved to Texas when he was about 18 months old. My sisters tell me now how heartbreaking that was for my dad, because when we lived in Florida, our son Danny often spent time at my parents house when I was working. I didn’t realize at the time how close my dad felt to him.
Her Fifth Must-Do
She says you must find some joy. This one is not a problem for me. It’s about finding other interests and hobbies that you enjoy. I love to garden, bike, read, workout, and many other things. I’m very rarely bored. So I’ve got this one covered.
Sixth Must-Do
According to Lisa, you must commit to connecting. Thank God for FaceTime! Cara is very good about keeping in touch with us this way, and it’s always exciting to see the girls in live face-to-face action. I have had some of the best talks with my granddaughters while they’re carrying the phone around the house or just laying back on their bed chatting while on Face Time. And I send cards and letters, but what we’re allowed to send is very limited, so I can’t buy them clothes or toys to send in the mail. We’re only allowed books, CDs, DVDs, cards, and letters. I’ve even bought cards that have little items attached at the time of purchase that have been opened, and those items were removed before they were sent on to their final destination. So the girls received the cards without those attachments.
Cara is good about letting me see when the girls receive things I’ve sent. Here they’re showing the Halloween cards I sent them one year.
On this must-do Lisa suggests visiting preferably once a year. Well, they’ve been there two years now, and we’ve not yet visited. Planning a trip to Nigeria is not the same as making most travel plans. Right now the U.S. advises against travel to Nigeria. We had hoped to go this past February, but it was an election year. Travel is very restricted there during the elections, and the elections don’t often happen when scheduled. So there is a high chance that travel can be restricted for a prolonged period of time. Because of this, we decided to put off our visit for another year. We’re hoping for spring of 2020 now. Paul’s parents went last year, so luckily we have their experience to pull from if needed.
Happily, though, they have been able to visit here twice a year since they moved. They come in the summer, and they’ve been here for Christmas or New Year’s each year. Those are highly anticipated and cherished visits, let me tell you!
Lisa’s Seventh Must-do
You must be thankful for what you have. You have grandchildren! No matter where they live, you have this wonderful gift to love and enjoy, even if from a distance. Not all seniors are lucky enough to experience this facet of aging. Be thankful…and I am!
And Lisa’s final Must-do
You must know it gets easier. For me, it got easier the very first autumn that they were gone. That was the year of Hurricane Harvey and the devastating flooding that took place in Houston. I never thought I would say I was glad they were in Nigeria instead of Houston, but that year, I was.
I’m also just so thankful that we had time to build a relationship with the girls in the earlier years, so that that was established before they left. That makes it easier to relate to each other as they get older each year. When children are so young, they grow and change so much with every year.
I’m so proud of both my daughter and my son-in-law for being such amazing parents and helping their children appreciate other cultures and climates. I’m not going to go so far as to say I’m glad they’re in Nigeria, but they are doing such a great job of raising their children to be globally aware. With every opportunity, they also travel to other places inside and outside of Africa, and I just think the experiences they are providing for their girls are making a profound impact on them for life.
So, yeah…I’m a long-distance grandma, and I’m coping the best I can. I appreciate Lisa’s post and her sharing her long-distance grandma experience, too. It’s nice to know there are others to commiserate with! And I appreciate corresponding with Paul’s mom Maureen, of course, who is sharing this long-distance thing with me. Two years down, and hopefully only two more to go! But only time will tell.
This post linked to the GRAND Social